How To Identify An Abusive Relationship: Pheeew! Here we go. Domestic violence is the talk of the day, but it is rarely advertised so I’ll say it’s the THOUGHT of the day.
Many people are going through Domestic Violence and some have been made to believe it’s a normal thing.
What Does Domestic Violence Look Like?
Domestic violence and Abusive relationships are not gender-based, it is absolutely gender-neutral, it could be the Boyfriend being a victim, or the Girlfriend being the victim. This menace takes different forms, it isn’t basically characterized by the physical altercation, in society today it is both physically and emotional
In fact, one trick that these people use on their victims is emotions, they sometimes appear to be the ones suffering while getting you to bend to their will. One could be abused in different ways, he/she could abuse you without raising their hands at you, it is even possible for you to be abused without any cursed word flung.
Once or twice may seem normal to you, thou I don’t fancy it even once, but thrice isn’t normal again, you heard me right. Emotional Abusers will leave you feeling like you aren’t good enough, they make you feel you don’t matter some make it feel like you are always at fault, they may isolate you and make you lose the shine
And glow you radiated before when you see yourself getting to this point, my dear friend it is time you move the fuck on. I wouldn’t give you any killer advice, but what I want to tell you is this
“You were perfectly okay before the came, you can be okay when they go too”
If it is a situation where they helped you then changed all of a sudden, as rear as this may be, I want to let you understand that
“Cars, Feelings, Clothes, Pain, PEOPLE, RELATIONSHIPS are temporal, if one has served its purpose and is now draining out of your energy, a ‘Goodbye’ will save your life”. Every Relationship should have a limit.
Different Forms Of Domestic Violence And Abusive Relationships
Don’t miss the signs, trust your gut it doesn’t lie. Now read. I see Abusive Partners as monsters, and the pronouns for Monsters is ‘It’, so yeah! I WILL ADDRESS THEM LIKE WHAT THEY ARE
Now, in most cases your partner focusing on just one of these signs doesn’t make him/her an abusive partner, none is perfect but if his/her gauge is going above 7-10 mehn!!!! I think it’s time you run a check. Like I said earlier, TRUST YOUR GUTS
1. Your Partner Embarrasses You In Public A Lot
Hmm! In every public function, you attend with your partner, the slightest opportunity IT gets is a place to show Its power and comedy skills, the only way for it to show this prowess is by using you like a punch line.
Don’t get me wrong, your guts will tell when a joke is a joke and when it is more than a joke if you explain to your partner you don’t like this(privately) and they keep doing it, the signs are right before your eyes.
An ideal relationship involves protection, it’s the duty of partners to protect one another most especially in public, PROPER scolding or CORRECTION should be done in public.
If IT constantly embarrasses you in public and acts all cool after this, you my dear friend is in an abusive relationship and a victim of domestic violence.
2. Belittling You A Lot
My friend, there’s a big difference between CONSTRUCTIVE criticism and belittling. If your partner doesn’t show support to any logical thing you do and constantly points out your flaws without helping you correct them,
Then you my friend is in a domestic relationship, if someone you call ‘Partner’ is ready to point out your flaws, this same person should be ready to show you how to solve them. It is as simple as that. If IT keeps belittling you and makes you feel like nothing good can come out from you, then you are in…..
Another thing these monsters do is to make you feel every dream or wish you have is invalid, they make them look stupid and foolish and might go as far as stating it in public.
3. IT Becomes A Confessor
A little humor here, some of us are familiar with this TV series “The Legend Of The Seeker”, yeah we know about Confessors and their abilities to get you to do whatever she/he wants. This is the theory applied here.
If this so-called partner of yours wants you to do everything according to their will, then you are a victim of Domestic Violence. Again, trust your guts here.
4. IT Becomes An Alarm
All IT wants to do is remind you of your flaws, IT is eager to make you know what’s wrong with you, IT makes you feel like a victim, makes you feel low because IT keeps pointing out every error you’ve ever made.
5. IT Doesn’t Care About Your Feelings
Now, all IT cares about is just Its own feelings, It doesn’t care about your feelings, all it does whenever you try to reason LOGICALLY is to brand you as “SENSITIVE”. Your opinion doesn’t count, IT sees you as one who can’t make your own decisions.
Another thing they do here is to withhold affections from you, sometimes they do this as an act of punishment whenever you try to express yourself.
6. IT Stares You To Fear
You are in public, you are at home, you are together one or two comments from you brings the STARE, that kind of SCARY Stare, IT makes you feel nervous and afraid. I mean, what is a relationship in which you can’t be yourself, that a word from you is considered a problem?
7. IT Becomes A Town Crier
The work of town criers in villages is to announce information to the public, so for me placing your partner and town crier in one sentence says a lot.
If your partner tells your secrets knowing it will piss you off, it’s another clear sign that he/she is an Abusive Partner. You mean your secret isn’t safe with them, what kind of a relationship is that? Is that what you really signed up for?
8. IT Blames, and Blames and Blames You Always
Yeah! You are always at fault, everything evil thing that happened was caused by you, you are the cause of every problem entirely;
if you have a partner who does this consistently, isn’t it obvious that she/he is tryna make you feel bad so as not to take the blame for anything? It’s fuc*ing obvious. It really is.
9. IT Doesn’t See Humor In Weakness
Now, this is a little bit tricky, me, for instance, is one who doesn’t like people seeing me weak, so it’s tricky here. If you have a partner who doesn’t fancy showing his/her weak side,
you should help him/her expose it but in a situation where he/she gets angry with you for joking about his/her weakness once in a while, you’ve gotta buckle up.
He/she gets pissed of when you joke about his/her mild weakness, takes offense and might attack you for it, you are in what looks like an Abusive Relationship.
10. IT Isolates You From Friends And Family
Don’t mistake jealousy with insecurity, this are two different things. If IT doesn’t want you to see your family and does everything possible to stop you from hanging out with friends and family ALONE, this is one of those DOMESTIC VIOLENCE relationships.
11. IT Makes You Feel Opportune To Be With Him
You have a partner who makes it looks like you dating them is an opportunity, don’t mistake self-confidence for arrogance here, IT keeps telling you that without IT you are nothing. Wait!! Who does that? If your partner… You get right?? What does your gut tell you?
12. IT is Mr. Right
When I say Mr. Right, I don’t mean Mr. Right the right way, I mean Mr. Right the self-acclamation way. All IT does all day is to remind you of them being right and you being wrong. Both parties are too bring options and both parties are to decide on an option.
13. Threat In Disguise
“I suggest you shut up, or else I….” This is a threat, this is a threat. Now, your partner might mean this as a joke, here your guts should do the work for you, try to understand the difference, YOUR GUTS DON’T LIE.
14. IT Assumes The Treasury
O yeah! The finances, if you two agree on how the finances should be handled this is okay, but when your partner decides to control everything without your consent and doesn’t give you a little free will on how you spend then this is a trait of Abusive Relationship.
15. It BEATS YOU.
Should I emphasize on this? IT beats you violently… You know what? Your guts have you here.
16. Where The Fu*k Are You
IT calls you every multiple time in an hour to check what you are up to, the people you are with, where you are, etc. He does this without any form of emotions, without care and authenticity, your guts wouldn’t lie.
Don’t mistake this for a normal lovers checkup, please.
17. It Takes You On The Guilt Trip
Yeah! Your partner accuses you of doing this and that then goes further to make you feel worse than when it turns out that you are innocent, IT doesn’t apologize but makes you prove your love.
IT could come in the form of you posting online, you cutting off a friend, etc. You know that feeling in your throat, that’s your guts talking it doesn’t seem right? Then it isn’t.
18. Extramarital Affairs
This hits you in many ways, it might be an error don’t forget, but consistently is a problem a big problem. Cheating leaves the person CHEATED on feeling low, sometimes it may make you feel you aren’t good enough when in fact you are the best thing that ever happened to him/her.
A partner who finds joy in cheating on you isn’t a true partner, cause IT doesn’t rate you like shit, in most cases, this isn’t a full-blown Abusive Relationship trait, but this is one of those boxes to tick when you trying to determine where you stand.
19. The Suicide Threat
“If you leave me alone, I will commit suicide” wow! Wow! That’s it, an abusive relationship, this is a kind of reverse psychology IT is using on you, they tend to pull this trick to make you stay.
They know how fragile your heart is and is banking on you not getting bold. Your partner knows you wouldn’t love to have blood on your hands for fear of your innocency being tainted.
Imagine your name appearing in someone’s suicide notes, the world will not believe your side of the story no matter how hard you try.
With no intention of committing suicide, your partner will pull this plug on you to get you to stay, they’ll make you feel you are their lifeline and you leaving is just like you taking a dying persons life support.
Summary On How To Identify An Abusive Relationship
Above all, Above all trust your guts, reading everything on this post isn’t enough to browse on how to trust your guts so as not to abandon the car when all it needed was a change of deflated tire.
What I am saying here is this, RELATIONSHIPs have no cheat sheet or laid down blueprints and rules. What works in my relationship, won’t work in yours. This 19 tips I listed here are the most common forms of Abusive Relationship one can encounter.
When you start reading the signs, when you notice your glow fading away, when you no longer see that spark in your eyes and you don’t have any project at hand that is draining you
I think it is time you take a closer look at your relationship, has the word ‘ship’ in it, the ship is a water vessel, a mass body of water and ships come in contact with waves a lot, some waves are too be overcome some waves demand that you abandon the ship.
When you are convinced that your relationSHIP needs to be abandoned, you leave it. Talk to a friend, get someone who understands you, if possible get professional help.
Then when you are back on your feet, share your story to motivate people, if you are bold enough, drag the monster out in public but letting go is a better option.
Life is too short, if you spend your time in an abusive relationship for long, you’ll waste the happiest moments of your life.
Please stay safe out there and be good to one another, I said to be good I didn’t say be foolish.
Have a nice life, and please share your stories in the comment section.
You’ve left that Abusive Relationship, Learn How To Prepare For A Date Here.